Mommybrain

I was reading, or rather viewing, this post on dooce.com today, when Quinn walked in the room. He can tell by the sound when I’m watching a video clip online and he always tears himself away from whatever he’s doing in the expectation that what I’m watching is a video clip of him. (There’s a reason for this).

He came over to my desk and watched the end of the video clip with me.

Q: Who is that?

Me: A guy.

Q: Why he has a shoe?

Me: Because his wife doesn’t like them and they were having a war about it. (For some reason I decide the word “war” is better than the word “fight”. I don’t know why.)

Q: Well, I gots the game War (a card game), him was playing my game?

Me: No, not exactly. It was a different kind of war, but it was pretend.

Q: What was that sound when him was falling down?

Me: That was music and sound effects they put in the video. It’s pretend. (I reiterated) Like a movie.

Q: Oh.

Quinn leaves the room.

Two minutes later he’s back.

Q: What was his name?

Me: John.

Q: Why him has your shoes?

Me: They’re not my shoes, they’re his shoes.

Q: Well, them looks like your shoes. (Thinking he had me)

Me: Yeah, but they’re his shoes.

Q: Why him wife not like them?

Me: I guess she has a thing against clogs.

Q: Why him fall down and how did him fall down? (I don’t answer right away because I’m trying to get this absurd conversation down in writing. A panic attack fueled by his incessant need for answers ensues) Why? How and why? How and why? How and why? That guy fall down? How mommy? How did him fall down and why did him fall down? How and why mommy, how and why? Say me how and why him fall down, mommy. Why are you laughing? Why you not tell me? (And I am not exaggerating here. If anything, I’ve cut it down.)

I decide to end the torture…

Me: He likes his clogs, but his wife doesn’t like his clogs. So they had a battle and he staggered out onto the lawn and fell down due to his injuries.

Q: Well him was standing up and was walking.

Me: Yes, but then he fell down because he pretended to be hurt. (At this point I really can’t believe I’m having this conversation).

Q: And him didn’t be hurt?

Me: No, he wasn’t really hurt.

Q: Him just was tending him was hurt because him feel him was hurt?

Me: What?

Q: Him feeled him was hurt well him wasn’t hurt? Is that why him fall down?

Me: No. He didn’t feel like he was hurt. He was just pretending to be hurt because he had a war about his clog.

Q: It was a shoe.

Me: Yeah, it was a shoe that’s called a clog.

Q: And your shoe is a clog too?

Me: Yes, but I just wear mine for gardening.

Q: And not in my house or not for going somewhere?

Me: Right. Anymore questions?

Q: No.