Mommybrain

So I’ve been feeling Baby2007 moving for about a month now. At first it was super subtle butterfly flutters that were difficult to distinguish from gas bubbles. Then it was fish flopping which has slowly progressed in frequency and intensity, with the occasional bump and jab. Overall, though, the little resident has been pretty mellow. I figure she’s either very timid or my stomach is just twice as big as she actually needs right now. This morning, though, as I was sitting at my desk — about 30 minutes after eating some vanilla yogurt and raspberries — I felt a solid 15 - 20 minutes of bumps and jabs. Still, very gentle — she’s certainly no kick boxer (thank God!) — but exciting, none-the-less. This is the part I’ve been waiting for and it’s even cooler than I remember. I’m sure I’ll look back at this post in another three months when I’m as big as a house and she’s jabbing an elbow into my bladder and think “oh, to be so naive”.

So I picked Quinn up from summer camp today. He gets in the car and I tell him his grandma (Goggy) is really sad today and really missing him — would he like to call her and cheer her up? He gets on the phone and the following ensues…

Q: Hi Goggy.

Goggy: (I assume says…) Hi Quinn! How are you?

Q: Fine

G: I miss you so much.

Q: I miss y… Well, actually, I haven’t really been thinking about you.

It’s a girl!

Although right now I could swear it’s a fish.

This was five weeks ago. And yes, this is an internal view of my uterus and that is a baby.

It’s now been about 10 days since Quinn sped away in the back of my parent’s Hyundai sedan in full command of the back seat with drinks in his drink holders, snacks in the snack tray, piles of books, toys, crayons. They took their time driving back up North stopping to see family along the way. We talk every day. Sometimes two or three times. I’m missing him like crazy.

My parents had come down here for two weeks at the beginning of June. I know for most people that sounds like something they’d have to painfully endure. But it was actually great. My parents are about the sweetest people I know. I’m lucky. And I’m very aware of this. And having them here was like having my very own Cooking Channel and DIY right in my home. My mom cooked dinner every night. Baked. Grocery shopped. Even cleaned up the kitchen when she was done. My dad hung curtain rods and pictures. WD40′d every hinge and door knob in the house. (What is it with Dads and WD40?) Fixed the toilet that kept running. Yes, they’re very sweet and very traditional.

Then they left with Quinn. And now it’s been 10 days. The good news is I’m flying up there tonight because I’m not sure how much longer I could take it. I’ve been away from Quinn before. For even longer stretches. Almost three weeks two summers ago when I went to Asia with a friend. Two weeks last November when Thor & I went to Argentina. But those experiences had something very key in common. I was the one who was on vacation. Galavanting around the globe. Missing Quinn to be sure, but also plenty distracted. This time is different.

Of course it’s been nice for Thor & I to have some uninterrupted time for eachother — we went to the movies two nights in row last week!! Such party animals — and for our business — we’re formally launching very soon so work has been pretty intense and it’s been good to be able to put in the necessary hours.

But life without Quinn just isn’t as shiny.

So last night I had my third dream this summer about the first day of school. Quinn’s first day of school. Of kindergarten. Is this strange?

Any day now we’re supposed to receive the email from his preschool teacher telling us which of the two kindergarten classes he’s been assigned to. Which teacher he’ll have (Miss Jen or Miss Candy) and what kids will be in his class. Will he be in a class with kids he knows and likes? Will he be in a class with kids who’s parents I know and like? These are important questions.

Last night’s dream was the second one where the first day of school arrives and we still don’t know what class he’s in. But this one took the anxiety up a couple notches. Turned out there was concern that some of the kindergarten art supplies were infected with e coli. E coli???!!! Is this even possible? Can finger paints and googly eyes even get infected with a potentially life-threatening bacteria? Or have I turned into that neurotic mother? So Quinn actually has to stay home as there’s not a safe space for the kindergartners to do their kindergartening thing. But I go to the school. Oh yes, I must get to the bottom of this. When I get there I find out that he’s been assigned to Mr. Robert’s class.(!!!) Mr. Robert? I don’t even know of a Mr. Robert at the school. But in my dream, apparently he’s one of the middle school teachers who decided to trade in junior high hormones for five-year-old chaos. And then — because this is a dream about being at school — I’m trying to leave and I can’t find a safe way out. Every exit is blocked by something treacherous. And I can’t find my shoes. And my mother-in-law suddenly appeared.

At least I wasn’t in my underwear.

Quinn: Mommy, I just really feel like I want to get married to you.

Quinn: “I love you bigger than everything and anything, Mommy. I love Daddy as big as everything. (pause) You know why I love you a tiny bit more? (pause) Because your face is so soft. And it’s so beautiful to me.”

Well, so much for listening to me and the “no changing” thing. Quinn discovered his first loose tooth tonight. He asked what’s going to happen next. I explained that it will get looser and looser until it falls out and then we’ll put it under his pillow for the tooth fairy. Of course he wonders what in the world the tooth fairy is going to do with his tooth. So I told him — she collects all the teeth and makes jewelry out of them. Duh.

So I’m picking Quinn up from school today. I’m chatting with his teacher out on the playground while he’s busy with some friends under the play structure. Our view of them is somewhat obscured.

Suddenly, Quinn comes running out yelling, “Miss N! A, N & M are showing eachother their penises!” (Mind you one of them is a girl, but he was obviously too flustered to remember the anatomical differences.) “They’re showing eachother their penises because they have a Penis Club!” Yes, it took all my self control to not double over laughing. I know, I know — inappropriate, etc. But pretty much EVERY kid does it at some point. But not every kid is clever enough to come up with “Penis Club”. “Hey, you wanna be part of our club? No, there’s no secret handshake, no you don’t have to wear pink on Tuesdays, no you don’t have to give me your pudding cup at lunch — all you have to do is show us your penis!” That’s rich.

Walking to the car I grilled Quinn a little bit about it. I asked him if he showed his. “Of course not. That’s rude!” Somewhere, in the great universe of parenting scorekeeping, I think I just got a brownie point. (Nevermind the fact my kid’s a tattletale.)